Grief is a strange bedfellow. It takes all of normal life and throws it at the wall, so that nothing has a proper meaning and your days never seem to have a cohesive narrative. It feels like your living inside a Jackson Pollock drip painting. I realise, patently, that it is a personal journey and I apologise if some readers may find my posts are over-sharing to some extent… But this the nature of blogging, it is a place where you share what is in your life.
In this experiential, live by the minute world, yesterday’s news is a world away from today, why even the stuff from this morning is old hat! There is the impulse to say, “get over it already…” But grief is not a disposable emotion. There is not a quick fix and move on panacea. It is a process which has no endgame! I am still grieving for a brother I lost in 1974! The pain is not so keenly felt, but it still has the power to trip me up and leave me in tears….
This is the point now, the reason I’m trying to relate my feelings openly and fully, is because, at the moment, it is my truth. And I have a passionate desire to promote truth.
The way I stop the grief from overwhelming me is by sharing the experience of it, in the hope that I can perhaps provide a helpful template for others when they themselves reach a point in their life when grief threatens to overwhelm them.
Make no mistake, we all have to face up to the experience. Grief will affect you all at some stage in your life! So I am sharing my means of coping (poorly) because I feel it may benefit others in the long run. I do not wish to garner pity. There is a lot of stuff going on, in the grim background, which I’m not sharing. Things too awful to even contemplate…
My Marie, has not yet been formally identified. The Police will not allow me to make a formal i.d. because of the state her body is in. As of today, even her dental records have proved inconclusive… Imagine the images that this could put in your head… If you let it.
It is looking likely that a Formal I.D. will have to be made by DNA mapping.
So what I am saying here as advice to those who are bereaved and grieving. Do not fixate on the body. The body is not the person you love, it is just a corpse. The person you love jumped ship as soon as they died. The soul is immortal, an eternal flame, which will continue to exist in you and in all the people the deceased loved and cared for.
I have been present at the death of two of my Grandparents, and I can tell you truthfully, as soon as they breathed their last breathes… The soul was gone. A click of the finger moment.
Cherish the memories you have, and try not to fixate on the awful circumstances of their death… At least that’s what I am trying to tell myself!
Not always that convincingly.
live in love my friends