OH YES WE CAN LOVE
In 2011, my life changed dramatically, I went from a world where I was constantly abraded by my ex-wife, I didn’t fit her model of what a man should be, I lived in an anguished world…every day was a confrontation. Then my Marie moved to my home town to be near me. She was prepared to wait for five years, until my youngest child reached eighteen, for me… That was how much she loved me. I wasn’t prepared to wait! I moved in with her a week later.
My life was totally transformed. We did have five years of having no money. I continued to pay the mortgage for my family’s home. I lived on £20 a month. We survived. Given the frugality of our life, you may think that this caused friction between Marie and myself… But no! We never argued about anything! We were just so grateful to have each other. Living with your soul mate may sound glib, or fanciful, but that is how we felt about each. She called me the love of her life, and she was my saviour. I had always loved her, from 1976 onwards, and always knew we would get back together eventually.
It was circumstances that had kept us apart… we were both a little crazy, a lot mixed-up as teenagers, but oh yes we could love.
For eight years, she made me feel like I was the most valuable person in the world. I do not regret one moment of our lives together. I always put her first in everything I did, and she likewise always put me first. We valued each other more than anything else in the world. Every time we parted we kissed and said we loved each other. I’m so proud of what we became with each other, given the way we were at sixteen…
We both expected to be dead by 21, we almost tried to push the envelope as far as we could. Now, although I’m alone, I’m not really… She is still within me and without me, I know that this is a bland explanation of a complex concept… But it is how it feels. She does not talk to me, but she guides me from within. We could feel each others thought patterns without words when she was alive, and now, her thought patterns are still there, still gently prodding me.
I miss her so much its a tangible home-sickness. But I know shes here. And all I have to do is quieten my ridiculously over-active mind to find her. There is the rub.