Went out for a couple of drinks with my brother last night in Lichfield. We went to pubs that I used to go to with Marie, back in the ’70’s. We walked past the place Where we used to pick up Jason, my little brother, from his Prep School. Neither Marie or myself have lived in Lichfield since the early 80’s, yet it is all there in my memory. We used to meet up every Tuesday, when she only worked a half day at the Library, and I had the day off. We would go and have lunch and then walk through the park to my house or her place. For eighteen months we did this, even though we were no longer “going out”, we always felt right together. So why did we stop going out? I can’t remember, it wouldn’t have been me, I never finished with anyone, it took me thirty years to leave my ex-wife, even though we were never really compatible. I asked Marie, and she said it was because I had a roving eye… I didn’t, she was always my only one, however I was a teenage boy, with raging hormones, so I probably did look, and Marie was always insecure.
I am sad and angry that I missed those years between. Those 33 years! However, I do have 3 wonderful children from that time and I wouldn’t be without them for the world. That’s life. It gives you joys, it kicks you in the teeth, it grabs your heart and squeezes it until you can’t breathe.
She will never leave my heart… She remains by soul-mate. She would not want me to stay in a sad state. I will try to come back to myself. Will try to make inappropriate jokes, love and look after my family and my friends. I will get through this. With a little help from my friends’
live in love,