ONE YEAR ON… I HAVE FORGOTTEN SO MUCH OF WHAT I WENT THROUGH LAST YEAR,ALMOST LIKE I’VE BLOCKED IT ALL OUT!
Trying to deal with all the rigmarole, of insurance, Coroners court, bank accounts and so on, has left me feeling punch drunk this afternoon. I have three pages of telephone numbers I need to keep informed of all events, remembering who I have told what and when, my head is literally spinning… It’s been productive but as with all of life’s stress situations, you often feel like you’re banging your head on a brick wall!
By the afternoon I feel totally overwhelmed by grief. The sadness sits like a storm front over my head… I feel guilty about shouting at the dogs… They are not used to this sort of behaviour… Our household is not one full of raised voices, Marie and I never argued. In eight years, we lived in harmony. Now, all is dissonance, there is a jumble of emotions, which I cannot control.
I guess its all a part of the process.