This is not a joke. I miss this girl so much it hurts. I take so many painkillers every day a don’t know if I can feel anything! But I know this … my soul is invested in this person and she has gone. How do you get beyond that? I honestly don’t know… 15 months on I still I miss her so much I wonder how I’m going to get through just the next day… I know self-indulgent shit, we are all stuck within these four walls…

I was thinking today, that we would have loved being stuck inside together for all this time… But I would have been a key worker, so I would have been out for ten hours a day, and she would have had my dinner ready, and be solicitous of my day…

And I would have been close to my children and grand children,and my beloved, and all of this would be a joke, except for the path lab would have been a different place, and i would hold my breath as I went through crowded surgeries… So I didn’t catch the dreaded lurgy…

But that is all just make believe I lost it all when she drove under a muck spreader…

and after that nothing mattered.


sorry if this is too sad. But truth is.

Dale M we with a distant J

7 thoughts on “THIS IS NOT A JOKE

  1. Life, I guess, is made of might-have-beens, but for some of us, at least, they were real for a while. I cannot tell you how much I envy you for what you had, or how sad I am for you now. Yes, life goes on – you know that. It will get better…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Take care Dale. I know of another who is feeling this way, and the anniversary of his passing is a few weeks away. I can do nothing to help my friend, just be there for her if she wants to talk. Social distancing means no shoulder or hug when it’s needed. We have taken to having tea and a chat on our respective drives on nice days. It’s not the same as sharing a meal or having tea and biscuits in the afternoon. Every day I text her to let her know we are here. Every day for her is empty. I feel for you both.

    Liked by 1 person

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