TOUCHED

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A beautiful person, Alvine Amede, owns www.Denacrewe.com , Edleston road, just messaged me to say how touched he was by my messages, and offered to deliver a free meal to me. His parents both died when he was just 20, and he thinks I am brave… He has come to a new country and built himself a life after such tragedy. Bless you my friend you have touched my heart. xxx

DALE

MADE MY DAY

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finding this picture has made my day! It is the only picture I know of that is of the two of us together. It’s been a pretty tough day so far, I took all of Marie’s clothes to a charity shop, and then came back to emptying boxes. I found so many beautiful things… Lists from years gone by of presents she was going to buy me for birthday, valentines day and xmas… She was always so well prepared! Everything I find is so filled with love, it makes me realise what I am missing. Also found a bottle of courvoisier, another bonus.

live in love

DALE xxx

GOLD PLAYLIST

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GOLD PLAYLIST

LOVELY HEAD – GOLDFRAPP

AFTER THE GOLD RUSH – NEIL YOUNG

BALLAD OF THE GOLDEN HOUR – WIDOWSPEAK

BAND OF GOLD – FREDA PAYNE

FIELDS OF GOLD – 2 CELLOS

FIVE GOLD SECTIONS – DAVID BYRNE

GOLD – PRINCE

GOLD – STEALING SHEEP

GOLD – THE SUGARCUBES

GOLD DUST WOMAN – JULIA HOLTER

GOLD LION – YEAH YEAH YEAHS

GOLDEN BROWN – THE STRANGLERS

GOLDEN CLOUDS – THE ORB

GOLDEN HEART – NENEH CHERRY

THE GOLDEN PATH – CHEMICAL BROTHERS

THE GOLDEN PLAYPEN – INXS

GOLDEN RECTANGLE – CLINIC

GOLDEN SLUMBERS – ELBOW

GOLDEN YEARS – DAVID BOWIE

GOLDEN VEIN – COCTEAU TWINS

MAKE THEM GOLD -CHVRCHES

MARIGOLD – PINKSHINYULTRABLAST

NEW GOLD DREAM – SIMPLE MINDS

ORNAMENTS OF GOLD – SIOUXSIE & THE BANSHEES

PLAIN GOLD RING – NINA SIMONE

SOLID GOLD EASY ACTION – T.REX

STAY GOLD – FIRST AID KIT

STEALING GOLD – JANE WEAVER

 

This playlist in honour of the fact that Marie’s earrings have been found safe and sound.

She wore them all the time, the only present I ever got completely right. I would hate to think they were gone forever too. The dog ate one when she took them off to wash, and Marie had to dissect her shit for three days until it re-appeared magically.

live in love my friends

dale xxx

BLUE REMEMBERED DREAMS

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In January 2010, I started painting this trilogy of paintings. They were of my Marie, but before I had even contacted her. I had befriended her on Facebook eighteen months before, but I had never contacted her, I could sense her following my life, she was feeling my pain, the awful tumult I was having to play out, which I cannot speak of here. In January, I went to my Mom and Dad’s house to look after my Nan, whilst they were away on holiday. I had took my paints, and using the conservatory, where my Dad paints, I started to paint these three paintings. I have always painted Marie like this. As an esoteric version of the Virgin Mary. Even without contact with her, I could feel her sadness, her yearning. She had lost her soul-mate, her Border Collie, Kelsie had died. She was struggling to come to terms with the loss. Unless you have had such a close relationship with dogs, I guess this could sound ridiculous. So, we were connecting, I was feeling her loss, and she was feeling my pain. Weirdly, I have only just realised how bizarre this might seem to people who do not have a soul connection with anyone…

In 2010, we had not had contact for thirty years. Yet, we were always in contact… We felt each other through the ether, or whatever you want to call it, the astral plain, names do not matter. We always had that level of connection. She was the only person in sixty years with whom I have ever had this level of connection, apart from my kids and a couple of my dogs… I could always enter her mind… I know it is weird. We had a level of love, which we have shared through several lifetimes, We were a couple in Russia in 19th century, killed in a pogrom, and we were the opposite sex to this life, She was my Mischka… Which I used to call her in this life too. Mischka means in Russian, He who is like God! Which now makes me smile, because in this life, I have always called her my Goddess, , my Angel.

When I felt her reaching out to me, I finally got in touch, I asked a question. It is not pertinent to this story, but very personal. She answered.  Hoorah! Tentatively, I began to unpick her defence mechanism. She was like a set of Russian Dolls, you had to carefully unpack her. Her life had been hard, and she was a very sensitive and sensual person, so she had built up barriers to stop herself being hurt. I am the opposite, I am an open book, I flush with love. I am very loquacious, over-share, and try always to be truthful, almost  to a pathological level, and live by my mantra, to do no harm.

This is what hurts… To be where I had to be, which was with my Marie, I had to break up two families. I felt tremendous guilt for five years, I felt I had let my youngest son down, I felt I had caused pain to Marie’s husband too. However, I had known for thirty years that we would eventually come back together, it was a contract which God, had blessed me with… I had told my daughter of this knowledge, five years before it happened.

Here’s what I think now: We had to come back together to replenish our souls, for together, we fed each other, we rebuilt ourselves, we shared love, to such a level, that it made us into a better soul. We are one soul, so entwined, we cannot be kept apart because we need to find one another to advance our soul. Each life is a new journey, each life is full of trauma which we overcome with love. It is the love which is important.

Love overcomes everything. This is the lesson of each mystic saviour, be it Jesus, Mohammad, Siddhartha, whomsoever. Each teaches the primacy of Love. Each message becomes distorted by the dogmatic doctrines created by orthodoxy. Do not follow Orthodoxy, follow love! Love will always be right.

I have lost the bright blue flame of My Marie’s life, but her love remains. She will always be with me, and we will be back together again in the next cycle. She is with me, and will be waiting impatiently for me. I hope I can continue to live in the way she has taught me, I’m sure that if I don’t she will intervene. She is already beginning to plant seeds in my soul. The trauma of her death, made a her return to me difficult. It was a massive shock to her, and believe me it was horrible! She showed me how it felt within two days. It felt like the famous head shot on JFK, but it was only for a micro second, which I find gratifying in some ways, but our soul was not prepared for the shock.

I’m still trying to come to terms with the loss, the aching chasm in my life that her corporeal body filled. I am still spiritually connected to her, she lies within me and without me, this will never change, just as it did not change when we were apart in life.

Yet, I yearn for her touch, for 8 years we were constant companions, and held fast to each other every night and day.  We were always hungry for each other, when we were apart, at work, I used to talk about her and my love for her to everyone, I was a Marie Bore!

Still am.

Live in love

Dale xxx

 

NEW PORTRAIT WALL IN MY STUDIO

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top row left to right : kurt cobain, marlene dietrich, jack nicholson, pete doherty, david bowie, humphrey bogarde,malcom X,stevie nicks

middle row : david byrne,rutger hauer (marie’s favourite) , robin williams, john peel, marilyn monroe, siouxsie sioux, ian curtis, morgan bryan.

bottom row :marilyn monroe, siouxsie sioux, ian curtis, morgan bryan., jimmy cagney, kyle maclachlan, guy garvey, albert einstein

I have created this wall as a homage to my Marie, who gave me so much support and encouragement to continue to make my art.

She is my gift from God. My love and my life.

Dale xxx

MAKE A WILL

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It is an absolute disgrace that in this day and age, you have no rights to your partner’s estate, if you are not married. An half uncle has more legal entitlement than I do, even though we have lived together for 8 years. We have done everything together, paid for everything jointly, but because I cannot find a will, I am without any legal empowerment, even though I have had to deal with a myriad of problems, had to identify her body and organise her funeral… I count as nothing in her life!
I do not care about money, I would give everything I have if I could bring her back, she is my world! But it’s so frustrating to be treated like I’m scum by officialdom. The Police and the Coroner’s court regard me as Marie’s next of kin, but the financial services seem to see intestate as a money making opportunity. Thank God that (Tanya) Maria’s family have been so supportive. Most companies have been very helpful, but the car insurance and 3 phone company have been terribly unhelpful. When you whole world has been destroyed, the last thing you need is officialdom who are not interested in doing what is right, just in making you jump through hoops.

DALE

PERPETUAL WINTER

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Will the sun ever shine again?

I don’t see how…

You made the sun gleam with wonder,

You made the world a magical place…

Now all the magic has gone,

And I am left with the nothing…

Empty pages flickering in front of my eyes.

 

I’m emotionally chilled to the bone,

Nothing can warm my half -soul,

But the match of yours.

A half-life in half light,

Always winter and never Christmas.

And yet it is just weeks from your smile,

And your joyful love…

Which I can never share on this plane again.

 

It’s the nights, always the nights,

When the yearning cannot be abated.

I wake and sob every night,

And know it will never stop.

The days can be contained by action,

But the night just drags on forever.

 

sorry the sadness strikes

Dale

OUR PLAYLIST

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OUR PLAYLIST

MAN OF OUR TIMES – GENESIS

THE NIGHT JOSH TILMAN CAME TO OUR APARTMENT – FATHER JOHN MISTY

OUR LOVE – EDITORS

IPC SUBEDITORS DICTATE OUR YOUTH -CLINIC

OUR REMAINS – BITTERSWEET

WITH OUR LOVE – TALKING HEADS

ON OUR WAY HOME – EMPIRE OF THE SUN

OUR SECRET – COMSAT ANGELS

THERE’S A WRINKLE IN OUR TIME – 1984

SAY GOODBYE TO OUR HEROES – RANCID

OUR LITTLE RENDEZVOUS – CHUCK BERRY

THE WHOLE WORLD IS OUR PLAYGROUND – PETE DOHERTY

ONE OF OUR SUBMARINES – THOMAS DOLBY

OUR SPACE – THE CARDIGANS

OUR SORROWS – JULIA HOLTER

OUR LOVE – SHARON VAN ETTEN

OUR KINGDOM COME – LISA GERRARD

ONLY OUR SKIN – LAMB

OUR TIME – INSPIRAL CARPETS

OUR DYING BRAINS – GRANDDADDY

WE CLOSE OUR EYES = BRITISH SEA POWER

WHERE DID OUR LOVE GO – THE SUPREMES

THE LAST DAY OF OUR ACQUAINTANCE – SINEAD O’CONNOR

OUR COOL DECAY – LANTERNS ON THE LAKE

COME ON OVER TO OUR SIDE, SOFTLY SOFTLY,- DEATH IN VEGAS

IN OUR ANGELHOOD – COCTEAU TWINS

ON OUR WAY – ARETHA FRANKLIN

FRIEND OF OURS – ELBOW

 

NOT “OUR” PLAYLIST BUT OUR PLAYLIST.

DALE XXX