BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS PLAYLIST

 

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS PLAYLIST

  1. BIRTHDAY – THE BEATLES
  2. I BELIEVE – TEARS FOR FEARS
  3. ROCK THE CASBAH – THE CLASH
  4. TIME BOMB – RANCID
  5. HAPPY BIRTHDAY – ALTERED IMAGES
  6. DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE – BONZO DOG DO-DAH BAND
  7. A PERFECT DAY TO DROP THE BOMB – CARTER USM
  8. YOU’RE THE BEST THING – STYLE COUNCIL
  9. CAN WE STILL BE FRIENDS – ROBERT PALMER
  10. EIGHTEEN WITH A BULLET – PETE WINGFIELD
  11. LULLABY – THE UNTHANKS
  12. EMBARRASSMENT – MADNESS
  13. B.A.B.Y. – CARLA THOMAS
  14. RASPBERRY BERET – PRINCE
  15. AT LAST I’M FREE – ELIZABETH FRASER
  16. TATTOOED LOVE BOYS – PRETENDERS
  17. I JUST CANT BE HAPPY TODAY – THE DAMNED
  18. ONLY KID ON THE BLOCK – CHERRY GLAZERR
  19. NIGHTCLUBBING – IGGY POP
  20. SEE THE BIG MAN CRY – ED BRUCE

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY ANGEL. YOU HAVE BROUGHT JOY BACK INTO MY LIFE, DRAGGED ME KICKING AND SCREAMING BACK INTO THIS WORLD. YOU ARE THE MOST CARING, MOST LOVING PERSON I HAVE EVER MET, AND I COULDN’T FACE A MOMENT OF THIS LIFE WITHOUT YOU. JANET YOU ARE MY LOVE. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETHEART.

DALE ‘M’

LULLABY

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LULLABY

SLEEP MY SWEET ANGEL

AND IN YOUR SLUMBER

REMEMBER IT IS I

FOR WHOM YOU WAIT.

 

YOU LEFT EARLY FOR YOUR REST

AND I REMAINED ANXIOUS TO COMPLETE

THE TASK FOR WHICH I WAS CONSIGNED…

AND YOURS IS WELL DONE AND REPLETE.

 

WOULD I KNEW YOUR SWEET REFRAIN,

WHICH COULD YET CHARM ME TO JOIN,

BUT IT IS LOST AMONGST THE FALLING RAIN,

AND STILL I HAVE LINES YET TO COIN.

 

IN SLEEP YOUR VOICE STILL RINGS TRUE,

DESPITE THE DARKNESS OF THE HOUR,

I MURMUR THE THRENODY BACK TO YOU,

AND HEAR YOUR LAUGHTER THROUGH THE SHOWER.

 

I ONLY CHIME IN UNISON WITH YOUR TUNE,

I ONLY HOLD TIGHT TO YOUR LINGERING LOVE.

DALE ‘M’

 

 

MY BEAUTIFUL MARIE (ONE YEAR ON)

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TONIGHT  MY BEAUTIFUL MARIE (TANYA)  WAS KILLED IN A CAR ACCIDENT. I DON’T KNOW HOW I CAN CONTINUE WITHOUT HER.

SHE IS MY SOULMATE AND MADE THE WORLD BEARABLE.

the stars look very different tonight

DALE

ONE YEAR ON

This may seem incredible, but I didn’t anticipate that the anniversary would cause me any kind of emotional turmoil. After all, I’d got through Christmas and New Year relatively unscathed, thanks for the most part to my special girl, Janet, and I stupidly thought I can handle this now. So it came as some surprise that on awakening this morning I could NOT stop crying.  If you would have asked me a year ago how I thought I’d be handling it now, I would have said I wouldn’t still be here!  So that’s progress of sorts. The truth is losing your one and only soul mate, feels like having limbs removed. It doesn’t matter how well you get on with other people or how close they become… They still feel like a prosthetic. This is doubly harsh to both parties… You feel a cad for not being able to accept the difference, and they feel that they can never live up to your expectations. In reality, you do not expect them to be the one you  loved with all your heart, they are not a replacement, but they are a godsend! My Janet has been an absolute Godsend. I do not deserve to have such a wonderful person in my life. She is patient, supportive, strong and resilient, even when I mess her about with the mercurial nature of my Affections. One day, I am totally there with her, then the next I feeling guilty because I feel I’m betraying Marie. She has stuck with me through all my moods and melancholia, and remained steadfast. God bless you Janet, please stay in my life. I’m a shell without you.

Grief is what you make it. It can overwhelm you or it can push you forward, So far it has mostly overwhelmed me, for months I painted for eight hours a day, then in spring I fished for eight hours a day… All to stop me reliving the moment over and over again.

I still don’t have normal emotions, still don’t feel like a normal person, mostly I feel numb but try to portray normality. I know it’s not working. Now that my money has almost gone, I have to face up to my toughest challenge. Do I sign on for dole (govt payments) and hand my life over to the vagaries of the state; do I claim sickness, I have major problems with my back and depression, but again that allows the govt to get involved in my life; or do I get a job? Not easy these days, sixty year old’s are not in high demand in the job market.

I hate the idea of the govt. stipulating what hoops I have to jump through to get money to live on, I’d rather work, but the manual work I’ve done since leaving University is no longer an option, and who is going to employ me to do the things I want  to do : Painting, writing or acting?

This is the life I have left, I have to do something, but after a year of naval gazing I’m still no closer to solution.

Roll the dice, make a choice and move on.

love and best wishes to you all.

DALE BELOVED PARTNER OF MARIE

 

WHERE LOVE TAKES YOU

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WHERE LOVE TAKES YOU

IT WAS ALWAYS THE GOAL TO LOVE COMPLETELY,

TO MOVE BEYOND THE WISTFUL YEARNING,

TO COMMIT WHOLE-HEARTEDLY TO ONE,

THE ONE AND ONLY, ONE.

 

AND SO I PRESSED, BODY AND SOUL,

EVERYTHING INTO THE UPLIFTING OVERTURE…

THE SOARING STRINGS BORE ME UP INTO THE SKY,

ICARUS TO THE LAST.

 

AND YOU DREW BACK YOUR WINGS,

JOINED ME IN THIS ADVENTURE,

AND YOU BID ME FLY HIGHER…

SO WE FLEW INTO THE SUN.

 

THIS IS THE POINT BEYOND ART,

YOU NEED WISTFULNESS TO MAKE ART,

BUT THE POET SATED SINGS NO MORE,

JUST CLINGS ON FOR DEAR LIFE.

 

AND THEN YOUR WINGS CATCH LIGHT,

AND YOU CRASH AND BURN…

AND YOU ARE ICARUS NOT ME,

I AM DAEDALUS… AND I FLY ON ALONE.

 

BUT I SEE YOU IN EVERYTHING BEAUTIFUL,

AND MY HEARTS TEARS IN TO GOBBETS…

FRAGMENTS OF LOVE, SNIPPETS OF MEANING,

AND THE POETRY RETURNS.

 

BUT THE POETRY IS A FACSIMILE

OF THE HONEST TRUE LOVE,

NOTHING CAN REPLACE THAT FEELING,

YET STILL YOU CARRY ON…

LET’S JUST CARRY ON.

 

TO ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR, YOU DESERVE IT. WE ALL DESERVE IT.

DALE ‘M’

 

 

JUST ONE MORE FIRST

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Having spent my first xmas on this planet without Marie on it, there is only one more first left traverse, the first anniversary of her Death. This time last year I was in the middle of a series of events where one problem led to another, each becoming more and more serious.

It began with the dog. We, Marie and I were going to go to a gig in Glasgow. It was a weird one, Marie had it in her mind that we should go and see a viking band, Heilung,

we had booked a hotel for the weekend, and planned to revisit Kelvingrove Art Musuem, then go to the gig, move up to Edinburgh on the Sunday to visit musuems etc. It was all bought and paid for. Then Freya cut her paw whilst out walking. She had stitches at the  vets, but the stitches came out, and Marie wouldn’t leave her baby with my daughter for the weekend. So we lost two hundred pounds worth of holiday, to stay at home with out ailing Border Collie. She split her stitches three times, and the vet bills were nearly £600 .

That was the first event. Then my laptop blew up. The motherboard was broken. My laptop was out of commission for over a month as they couldn’t get a replacement over the holiday period. Then my glasses broke in half. Luckily, the glasses were still under warranty, so I was able to get them replaced without cost. Then I knocked our clock off the table and broke it. The clock had been with us from the beginning. On the 27th December, the car blew up whilst Marie was out shopping. It was kaput. We had to get a new car. On January 1st, we spent our Bank Holiday travelling to Bolton to buy a new car. £3000 lighter, the new year seemed to be following the trajectory of December.

On the 3rd of January, I came home from work and woke Marie, who worked nights, with a cup of tea. An hour later I got a phone call from my daughter Amy. Her Mum, my ex-wife was ill, the symptoms suggesting she’d had a stroke. I offered to have the Baby, Phoenix, whilst she went to the hospital with her Mother. I took Marie her 2nd cup of tea. I told her what was occurring, that Phoenix would be arriving shortly and that Gail had had a stroke.

“My God, could your luck get any worse?” Marie said.

When the baby came down, she was quite whiny. She cried for about an hour. Marie got dressed ready to go to work. She came down and offered to hold the baby, whilst I went out and had a cigarette.

Whilst Marie was upstairs, I put Phoenix down in her cot, which at that time, was in the living room, as we looked after the baby every Saturday whilst Amy went to work. Marie came down to see me sitting in the dark, writing on my little replacement laptop, Marie came over kissed my head, then went back upstairs to fetch my bedside lamp. She put it down beside me, she then gave me a proper kiss and said I love you. I smiled and said,

“I love you too.” She left to go to work.  The baby screamed. She would not be going to sleep. At eleven O’clock, I had a knock on the door. I opened it with the baby in my arms, to find a male and female police officer stood there. My immediate reaction was,

Oh shit, Gail’s died.  The police came in. Told me to sit down. They brought out Marie’s handbag. Then I knew. I thought they wanted me to go identify her. They wouldn’t let me. The rest is horrible and I’m not going to elucidate further.

In the space of a few weeks, my whole life unravelled. This doesn’t seem statistically viable. It is a series of events which defies logic. Yet it happened. There were more things which broke but I can’t remember it all, I’ve been blocking it all out for a year. My conclusion is that there must have been some sort of cosmic karma going on, that we had some very dark past lives which required balancing.

I miss my beloved every day. Every second of every day. It helps that I know we travel through this world existence together. We have many lives together. So I know she will be there for me next time. In our next re-incarnation, I will make damn sure that we stay together forever, I will never let her go. Life without her is shit.

Getting beyond the third is my next goal. After that, I have to rejoin the human race.

Just remember, live in love.

Love is always the answer.

DALE ‘M’

CHRISTMAS EVE 1973

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The world was safe in 1973,

Nobody died, a houseful of relatives,

brother, mother, father and dog,

great grandma, two nans, a granddad, a step granddad,

A step great grandfather, an uncle and aunt,

and an aunt and uncle, three female cousins.

A crowded house of kin.

A safe place to go slightly mad.

 

Did I have a girlfriend?

probably Susan Lovelly,

A nice girl to love in safety.

By 1974, all was to change,

and the dance with death…

made celebrations hard to take.

all the empty seats…

 

And over time you grow to occupy each,

first the father’s, then the grandfather’s,

then the widowers…

and mortality etches lines across your face,

and death chokes the joy of it all.

Does hope die too?

I don’t think so.

 

HAVE A GREAT HOLIDAY EVERYONE, ENJOY THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU, EVEN WHEN THEY DRIVE YOU CRAZY, BECAUSE EACH AND EVERYONE OF THEM WILL LEAVE AN EMPTY SEAT AT SOME POINT IN YOUR LIFE.

DALE ‘M’

 

BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS PLAYLIST

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MY NEPHEW MATT’S 18TH BIRTHDAY PARTY!

BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS PLAYLIST

  1. BIRTHDAY – THE BEATLES
  2. I BELIEVE – TEARS FOR FEARS
  3. ROCK THE CASBAH – THE CLASH
  4. TIME BOMB – RANCID
  5. HAPPY BIRTHDAY – ALTERED IMAGES
  6. DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE – BONZO DOG DO-DAH BAND
  7. A PERFECT DAY TO DROP THE BOMB – CARTER USM
  8. YOU’RE THE BEST THING – STYLE COUNCIL
  9. CAN WE STILL BE FRIENDS – ROBERT PALMER
  10. EIGHTEEN WITH A BULLET – PETE WINGFIELD
  11. LULLABY – THE UNTHANKS
  12. EMBARRASSMENT – MADNESS
  13. B.A.B.Y. – CARLA THOMAS
  14. RASPBERRY BERET – PRINCE
  15. AT LAST I’M FREE – ELIZABETH FRASER
  16. TATTOOED LOVE BOYS – PRETENDERS
  17. I JUST CANT BE HAPPY TODAY – THE DAMNED
  18. ONLY KID ON THE BLOCK – CHERRY GLAZERR
  19. NIGHTCLUBBING – IGGY POP
  20. SEE THE BIG MAN CRY – ED BRUCE

 

ALL OUR KIDS ARE GROWN-UP NOW BRO…

DALE ‘M’

CREEP

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CREEP

Sneaking out the back with stealthy rubber soles,

Off-loading convention like an over-ripe afghan coat,

We ran off down the dark streets giggling like teenagers,

And into the pub, where time stood still – Freeze-frame.

 

All eyes turned upon us, pool cue poised mid shot…

We were the interlopers, outsiders… Aliens.

Aliens. That’s it! We could not have been stranger,

If we had jumped ship from a flying saucer.

 

You were tense, used to evoking this reaction,

I was blithe,amused by their incongruous stares,

I looked at you, with your yellow mohawk and slashed back cleavage,

Your parachute boots, unlaced and your harem pants…

 

I could guess that you were not the most staid client they’d seen,

but me? I was close-cropped squaddie type kitsch.

With camouflage khaki and Doctor Martin nine hole boots,

I was every right – wing locals wet dream ….Surely?

 

Nothing to see  here, except the dangling skull earring,

And the Anarchy t-shirt, maybe the red beret was camp…

Anyway the silence broke and we got served,

And we drunk a few beers before…

 

Running back to the theatre so as not to miss our lift,

And we arrived back as the play ended…

Our Drama coach, who had a leading role,

Asked us what we thought of the play?

“You were amazing, especially in the 2nd half…”

The look she gave us… She knew, Oh yes she knew,

We’d deserted her.

CREEPS!

 

Dedicated to my friend Jenny, where ever she might be now.

DALE M

SUPER POWER

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SUPER POWER

WHAT WOULD YOUR SUPER POWER BE?

It’s a common question, in this world where all movie narratives are obsessed with super heroes, having a supra ability, is high in the collective consciousness. For myself, I will have no truck with any of these narratives, like the other dinosaurs of my generation, I prefer my story-lines based in reality. I don’t want my heroes to solve real-time problems with outlandish abilities, I don’t want retractable steel claws or to fly across the ocean at the speed of light… I don’t want laser beams to shoot from my eyes or ice to flow from my heels. I would prefer my heroes to solve dilemmas by the power of thought. I would prefer natural powers to be used to solve the problems we all face as a species.

The only super powers I have are dull. I have the power to love, I have the power to be honest, and I have the power to nurture. My Kryptonite is : my lack of  understanding when people lie to me; my inability to recognise when people have an agenda; my lack of the need to be acquisitive… I’m murder to buy presents for… I really do not want anything!  The inevitable question at this time of year: What do you want for xmas? Is one that really bugs me, I don’t want anything. Nothing that can be bought. I would like my beloved back. I would like to live without pain, both physical and mental. I would quite like to be able to run again, though yesterday, just the ability to walk would have been nice! Today, my back is freer and I can walk again.

If pressed the only power I would like is the ability to time travel… But that is a double-edged sword. If you go back in time, would you save those you love from their untimely deaths? The urge would be irresistible, but whose to say that they have not died to free their souls from this reality to be able to aid lives in another? Our knowledge of other realities is limited, probably for good reason, perhaps to keep our souls from trivialising our efforts in this reality… Nothing concentrates the mind more than the feeling that this is your one shot at living a decent life! If you were aware that your soul is immutable, that it will exist in many lifetimes, your cares and worries in this life would not feel so important.

I have one super power, I can connect to people I love, I can empathise. Empathy is a very under valued super power, it doesn’t get a lot of airtime in the narratives of the modern media, but the power to feel what other’s are feeling is the bedrock of social interaction, its what enables us to live in communities. It makes us Human. And it is this ability that is most under attack by the concept of super  human powers, we do not need x-ray vision to perceive our neighbour is suffering; we do not need to be able to fly  across oceans, to be able to help the homeless or the hungry…

The real world requires empathy, and from a position of empathy we can actually do something to help real people along their life journey.

Yes. This is the super power we should all aspire to.

Save the world, one person at a time.

That’s a goal which is attainable.

Dale ‘M’

DON’T PLAYLIST

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DON’T PLAYLIST

  1. THE DRUGS DON’T WORK – THE VERVE
  2. DON’T TOUCH ME THERE – THE TUBES
  3. DON’T LOOK BACK – THE TEMPTATIONS
  4. THE LADY DON’T MIND – TALKING HEADS
  5. DON’T STOP – THE STONE ROSES
  6. DON’T CRY – SOLOMON BURKE
  7. I DON’T MIND – SLADE
  8. DON’T YOU  FORGET ABOUT ME – SIMPLE MINDS
  9. DON’T GIVE ME NO LIP CHILD – SEX PISTOLS
  10. I DON’T SLEEP I DREAM – REM
  11. MONEY DON’T MATTER 2 NITE – PRINCE
  12. DON’T GET ME WRONG – PRETENDERS
  13. DON’T STAND SO CLOSE TO ME – THE POLICE
  14. DON’T DICTATE – PENETRATION
  15. DON’T LEAVE ME THIS WAY – THE COMMUNARDS
  16. PAPA DON’T PREACH – MADONNA
  17. DON’T LOOK BACK AT THE SUN – THE LIBERTINES
  18. WHY DON’T YOU TRY – LEONARD COHEN
  19. THEY DON’T KNOW – KIRSTY MACCOLL
  20. HONEY DON’T – THE BEATLES

DON’T DESPAIR…

DALE ‘M’