MEMORY

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MEMORY

I lost myself in a thought,

Internal infernal thought,

I forgot myself…

I forgot you…

It was awful.

I was alone.

I was alone,

In a white ferment,

White is the scariest colour…

Washed out, fade out.

It was like death…

Do you remember?

copyright Dale Beck 2018

LOW

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LOW

So low down in the valley,

The summits of the future,

seem insurmountable .

I have dissolved so many tears,

All I have left is a hollow in my chest.

I never signed up for this trip…

I wanted a quiet passionate life

played out to the end with…

The woman I love.

That vista has vanished,

And I am sand-blinded by the future,

It is just a sick joke…

God sticking up his middle finger

At my audacity,

Well Fuck you!

All bets are off now,

you reneged  on our deal.

You Fucker!

I put up with so much shit…

On a promise,

And you broke it,

And me…

Your game is not worth a shit,

Evil Demiurge ,

Love will win out you bastard!

Dale

 

 

NOW PLAYLIST

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NOW PLAYLIST

GO NOW – THE MOODY BLUES

ANY DAY NOW – ELBOW

NOT SO MANIC NOW – DUBSTAR

ARE YOU WITH ME NOW – CATE LE BON

WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW – DIONNE WARWICK

NOW THEY’LL SLEEP – BELLY

WHO AM I NOW – AIR

HOLD ME NOW  – THOMPSON TWINS

START NOW – RANCID

RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW – FATBOY SLIM

HOW SOON IS NOW – THE SMITHS

RIGHT NOW – THE CREATURES

GONNA GET ALONG WITHOUT YOU NOW – VIOLA WILLS

I GOTTA KNOW RIGHT NOW – ROSE VALENTINE

NOW AS THEN – TUNEYARDS

ANY SECOND NOW – DEPECHE MODE

EVERYTHING NOW – ARCADE FIRE

DIFFERENT NOW – CHASTITY BELT

MAMA WE’RE ALL CRAZEE NOW = SLADE

HEY NOW – TALKING HEADS

KNOW YOU NOW – AMY WINEHOUSE

ALL I THINK ABOUT NOW – PIXIES

BUT I’M DIFFERENT NOW – THE JAM

BELIEVE ME NOW – ELO

ALL WE HAVE IS NOW – THE FLAMING LIPS

WHERE ARE WE NOW – DAVID BOWIE

I THINK I’LL DISAPPEAR NOW – CRASH TEST DUMMIES

BABY, NOW THAT I’VE FOUND YOU -THE FOUNDATIONS

ALL RIGHT NOW – FREE

NOW THAT WE’VE FOUND LOVE -THIRD WORLD


 

MANY HAVE EXPOUNDED UPON THE NEED TO LIVE IN THE ‘NOW’, FROM SARTRE, GURDJIEFF TO SUCH LUMINARIES AS CHARLIE MANSON AND MALCOLM X….

WHEN YOUR WORLD HAS BEEN TURNED UPSIDE DOWN, AND THE CITADEL OF THE FUTURE HAS BEEN BLOWN TO BITS, YOU REALISE THAT YOU CAN ONLY LIVE IN THE NOW! THE FUTURE IS A FOG OF UNCERTAINTY AND THE PAST IS SHROUDED IN A VEIL OF TEARS…

SO THE NOW HAS TO OCCUPY YOUR WHOLE BEING… KEEP WALKING ON, KEEP PERFORMING AS IF THE NOW WAS ALL THAT MATTERED BECAUSE ALL VAGUE NOTIONS OF THE FUTURE AND THE PAST CONTAIN A MADNESS AKIN TO KING LEAR’S.

LIVE IN LOVE

LOVE THE NOW

DALE XXX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NOW PLAYLIST

199775__41516.1349963140.380.500

 

 

NOW PLAYLIST

GO NOW – THE MOODY BLUES

ANY DAY NOW – ELBOW

NOT SO MANIC NOW – DUBSTAR

ARE YOU WITH ME NOW – CATE LE BON

WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW – DIONNE WARWICK

NOW THEY’LL SLEEP – BELLY

WHO AM I NOW – AIR

HOLD ME NOW  – THOMPSON TWINS

START NOW – RANCID

RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW – FATBOY SLIM

HOW SOON IS NOW – THE SMITHS

RIGHT NOW – THE CREATURES

GONNA GET ALONG WITHOUT YOU NOW – VIOLA WILLS

I GOTTA KNOW RIGHT NOW – ROSE VALENTINE

NOW AS THEN – TUNEYARDS

ANY SECOND NOW – DEPECHE MODE

EVERYTHING NOW – ARCADE FIRE

DIFFERENT NOW – CHASTITY BELT

MAMA WE’RE ALL CRAZEE NOW = SLADE

HEY NOW – TALKING HEADS

KNOW YOU NOW – AMY WINEHOUSE

ALL I THINK ABOUT NOW – PIXIES

BUT I’M DIFFERENT NOW – THE JAM

BELIEVE ME NOW – ELO

ALL WE HAVE IS NOW – THE FLAMING LIPS

WHERE ARE WE NOW – DAVID BOWIE

I THINK I’LL DISAPPEAR NOW – CRASH TEST DUMMIES

BABY, NOW THAT I’VE FOUND YOU -THE FOUNDATIONS

ALL RIGHT NOW – FREE

NOW THAT WE’VE FOUND LOVE -THIRD WORLD


 

MANY HAVE EXPOUNDED UPON THE NEED TO LIVE IN THE ‘NOW’, FROM SARTRE, GURDJIEFF TO SUCH LUMINARIES AS CHARLIE MANSON AND MALCOLM X….

WHEN YOUR WORLD HAS BEEN TURNED UPSIDE DOWN, AND THE CITADEL OF THE FUTURE HAS BEEN BLOWN TO BITS, YOU REALISE THAT YOU CAN ONLY LIVE IN THE NOW! THE FUTURE IS A FOG OF UNCERTAINTY AND THE PAST IS SHROUDED IN A VEIL OF TEARS…

SO THE NOW HAS TO OCCUPY YOUR WHOLE BEING… KEEP WALKING ON, KEEP PERFORMING AS IF THE NOW WAS ALL THAT MATTERED BECAUSE ALL VAGUE NOTIONS OF THE FUTURE AND THE PAST CONTAIN A MADNESS AKIN TO KING LEAR’S.

LIVE IN LOVE

LOVE THE NOW

DALE XXX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WALKING ON THE CHASE

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THANKS TO ALL FOR BIRTHDAY WISHES XXX

Went for a walk with my bro, Jason, on the chase between Rugeley and Stafford, with his lab Abby and my two monsters, Ellie and Freya.

Walked about 3 miles then had a lovely lunch outside the Barley Mow pub.Eaten out two days running, I’m becoming such a dilettante figure! I’ll be drinking cocktails next!

Ive had a day without much sorrow, so I guess that’s quite positive, Lots of cards and best wishes from all over the planet. So I guess I feel loved,

Thanks to all.

Dale xxx

GUSTAV KLIMT

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I spotted the Klimt at the National Gallery from three gallery Halls away. It shimmered like a jewel in the distance… An excalibur in the lake. Klimt was Marie’s favourite painter since antiquity… She had a print of the lovers on her bedroom wall back when we were still but teenagers. I made a bee-line for the painting and stared in wonder, I turned to see what Marie thought of it, half forgetting it was not her beside me, Janet,my old work colleague, was wearing the same type of puffer coat that Marie would wear… And in this moment I realised the enormity of my loss. It’s not the fact that my love has gone, it is more that the history or legend of our long association cannot ever be replaced. I know her soul inside out for over 40 years,  in this lifetime, and in previous lives innumerable, and that level of intimacy cannot be replicated.

I spent nearly thirty years with my ex-wife, shared three children together… but i never achieved the level of pure intimacy with her that I had with Marie. It was not her fault, your soul knows it’s mate, and she was never my soulmate. With my Marie… everything was easy, we knew each other inside out. We lived as one, we became a single unit. We shared enthusiasms. In Music, in art , in literature… In spirituality!

This is the hardest part of living without her. Over time, the actuality of being in this world without her becomes easier, I have, for the most part, dealt with all the pressing detritus of modern living, dealt with changing all the bills into my name, and so on. I have begun to be able to cope with the aching enormity of shopping for one… well three if you count the dogs, and over time this will become second nature. These things can be conquered, and I’m getting there, but the ability to go places with her and know what she would love, what we would delight in together, the simple short-hand of knowing intuitively, this is the space which cannot ever be filled. This is the simple gulp of anguish which will never get better, which will never be overcome. It cannot be. I don’t want it to be. Her presence in this world is denoted by the empty pedestal on which I worshipped her… And I will keep that pedestal vacant as a monument to our love. I’m facing up to the future without her, I have to, but this space in my soul will always be carried with me.

live in love my lovely friends

Dale M xxx

NATIONAL GALLERY

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MARIE AND I HAD A TRADITION OF GOING TO VISIT AN ART GALLERY EVERY YEAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, TO HONOUR HER AND TO KEEP THE TRADITION ALIVE, I WAS VERY KINDLY AND ABLY ASSISTED BY MY OLD FRIEND JANET! TODAY, MY BELOVED WE WENT TO THE NATIONAL GALLERY AND THE NATIONAL PORTRAIT GALLERY IN YOUR NAME…IMG_3918

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MUST HAVE WALKED 4 MILES IN THE PROCESS… ABSOLUTELY SHATTERED, BUT I KEPT THE TRADITION ALIVE.

MISS YOU MADLY MUSH

DALE M XXX

SO YOUNG THEN

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NEARLY THIRTY YEARS AGO WITH NATHAN, I DON’T KNOW THE DONKEY.

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AGED 13, WITH LEFT TO RIGHT, YNEZ, JERRY AND MUM WITH JASON. JERRY WOULD BE GONE A YEAR LATER.

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JERRY PRETENDING TO READ, ME PRETENDING I’M COOL.

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HEIGHT OF FASHION, PLATFORM SHOES AND FLAIRS.

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CLOVELLY, LOOKING LUSH AND VERY BLOND. AGED 22.


HAD A LOVELY DAY WITH MUM,DAD, AMY, NATH AND PHOENIX, JASON AND JANE, CELEBRATORY DINNER FOR MY BIRTHDAY, TOMORROW.

NOW 2 A.M. AND GOT REALLY BAD ACID REFLUX. OH WELL!

Dale xxx

 

LOVE AFTER LIFE?

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The love remains the same…

A massive coal in the furnace of my heart,

Will it become a diamond under the pressure

Of my sorrow?

 

She occupied the whole of my life,

Either in person or as a whispered hope…

But what can I do with this love?

I cannot bring her back.

 

No I cannot bring her back to life,

Try as I might, no force of will,

Can change this reality..

And believe me I’ve tried.

 

So I am locked in this nether world,

With a heart full of love

And soul half missing,

And sack full of tears.


sorry awful doggerel,

Dale xxxx