Finally, after nearly two fruitless weeks of dental records and Dna testing, The police came around to get me to Formally identify my Marie’s tattoo. A two minute job, and I got a sense of closure. A finality which, even though intellectually I already knew to true, in my heart I hoped there had been  a mistake. I saw my name on her Beautiful skin and knew, at last, it was true. I’m hoping that this will help me to stop waiting for the phone to ring and to hear her on the phone. I know it is  normal, but It’s bloody annoying when I catch myself doing it. So at last, the temporary death certificate will be released and we can get the funeral set.

Some bits of this are really hard!

Live in Love

Dale xxx



THINK I May have cut my hair on the wrong setting, look like Telly Savalas,

one for the teenagers,

who loves you baby!

cleaned bathroom, bedroom and stairs the Marie way.. ie not half-arsed like I would normally do it… still got hall, lounge an kitchen to do and my aged parents are due 11 am… will I make it,




Feeling pretty good about myself today. Ok so  I spent three hours on the phone which I will never get back, but I have sorted everything out! All of our bills were paid by direct debit, all from Marie’s account which we shared but I was never named on. Also all billing was done on-line to her e-mail account which I can’t access because I don’t have her password. But undaunted I have managed to find Gas, Electric, internet, telephones, water rates and council tax and cancel all the bills coming from her account and transfer them across into my own account. Such a relief! I won’t have the water turned off, won’t lose electricity or Gas… I won’t lose my internet access or my mobile phone; and I won’t be summonsed for not paying my taxes. All in all a day which Marie would be proud of!

I have not dealt with any household bills in 8 years, but now I know I can deal with things myself. That is a massive positive step forward.

Now if I can just work out how the Vacuum works….

live in love





Easter 2011, we had been living together a couple of weeks. We decided on the Easter Monday to go for a drive to Wales, and headed off to Barmouth. It was a sunny day, and this was a moment of sharing for Marie. Her family had a caravan in Tal Y Bont, and she wanted to show me how beautiful it was. We drove through Barmouth and stopped for lunch at a pub beside the river at Tal y bont. We sat outside in the warm sun and had a beer and a sandwich and watched a pair of grey wagtails, which I’d never seen before, hunting for insects in the river. I thought this is so beautiful! Marie sat on the bench, the sun in her hair, glistening like a halo around her, like an angel, and that was what she was, a glorious angel, a gift from God.

She made me feel that I was living in a magical world, and for the first time in the longest time, I felt like someone good.

We drove on towards Harlech and decided to park up and go to the beach. We sat on top on the dunes and watched the ocean. Then with the cold April wind, whipping around our ears we settled down, in the hollow of the sand dune.

We lay entwined on the dry sand, and fell asleep. We slept, as one, as we always were, because we shared our souls, not in lust but in love, literally our minds at times became one. We slept for over an hour, and it was such a beautiful expression of love, we were Yin and Yan, and together we created nirvana.

So, although I’m incredibly sad, I always have the knowledge of something much greater than most people will ever experience, and it is this. Absolute Love. Pure love, which I can carry through the rest of my life, like a raft of serenity in a stormy world.

I shall never let go of the love I have for my Marie, It will be the rock on which I will build the rest of my years. I know that she will always be with me and inside me. And I have to live my life in the way she has taught me. She was my guru, the saviour of me soul. And yes, I am grateful for the years I had with her.

Live in love my friends,

Dale xxx



considering the fact I was feeling so empty this morning, I feel like I have achieved quite a lot today. Details of the funeral have been sorted, The celebrant and I have sorted the order of service for the funeral, set up a just giving account, found out the details of the utilities account and the internet, and found out how to change my phone into my name. Not bad for a jibbering wreck!




It begins with the words

Softly spoken – Maybe an accent

A soft Dublin brogue…


The words are love, peace, and care.

Love is the most powerful;

Its effects are contagion

Spread by deed and hope

There are no barriers which can contain it.

It is the most virulent antidote

To war, bombs and hate.

Peace is less effective and more fragile,

It needs careful nourishment,

One false move can destroy it

Peace has to be cherished

Like a new-born child…

Care is easy,

It requires only an open heart,

An empathic sense of other’s hurts…

With care we can breed gentle peace

and love will spread across the universe.

Copyright Dale Beck 2018




What alchemy this? What kindling touch the torch?

A silver shimmer, a slight phase discrepancy…


Deja vu?

Nothing of the old world equated to this reality,

unprepared for the polar shift…

I played dead-pan.

I had no tools,

equipped to see the monochrome screen,

my eyes scorched in the technicolour of

Ave Maria!

Ave Maria?

So cool yet blazing, burnished from ice and fire,

You are the air, I’m the water

Quench your thirst my angel.

Copyright Dale Beck 2018




The sun brushed blood orange

In a dry parchment sky…

A scroll carrying a wanton wish,

A whisper for the desert’s kiss.

Come play across my auburn heights,

And toe tip your rays in the windswept sands.

Come speak of Atlas and Heracles’ chores…

Cool your flame on the mediterranean shores.

Sahara offers her ferocious kiss

Smarting eyes and chapping lips…

Such ardour takes away his breath,

And tears his chromosphere to death.

We watched aghast the lover’s tryst…

as Sun and Sand merged from the mist,

We do not flower in yellow veils,

Nor in Vein-tracked chem-trails,

Which billows out across the vast and

leaden skies, loaded with laudinum,

And Lord know’s what…

And the soothsayer’s still call:

We Are The Dead!

Dale Beck copyright 2018